I Would Love To. I am just SO Busy...

Why do we settle?

I used to think we were lazy.

We aren’t lazy. We are busy. Busy is the new badge we whip out any time we feel the need for validation.

However, busy isn’t something we should be proud of.

Being busy instead of being productive is stealing the very relationships that mean the most to us. We replace quality personal time with time in a car running to activities; activities that are not only often unnecessary, but relationship killers. I believe we are running not to something, but away from something. Ourselves.

We have become extremely uncomfortable in our own skin. We haven’t spent the time to know ourselves, which results in a fear of the unknown. Peaceful alone time is replaced with anything and everything that not only we can think of, but also what others can think of for you. We allow another person’s vision to keep us from our own vision and, more importantly, from having the time and focus to discover our vision to begin with.

I remember as a child many times hanging out under my mother’s feet, making the comment, “I’m

bored!” This would always result in her replying back, “I can find you something to do." I hated the

answer. What this meant was I was about to find myself with a dust rag or, worse, being sent to clean and straighten my room. Sometimes, she would send me outside or into the other room to play. Playing by myself always seemed boring at first, but it never took long for my mind to start creating worlds that didn’t exist only minutes before. As I dreamed, I became better at everything. I was stronger, faster, smarter and most of the time I could even fly! Dreaming opened up a whole new world, and I loved that world. In that world nothing was impossible. Nothing!

As adults, we swap dreaming for busy. As married couples, we rarely, if

ever, dream together. I mean, what if our spouse thought we were crazy and immature. The result becomes, as adults, we can no longer fly. Our marriage becomes destined to stay on the ground, never reaching its full potential and slowly begins to die.

Why do we stop dreaming?

Business!

We are overcommitted in every area of our lives. If we’re not taking the kids to practice, we are headed to another meeting, function, or the store for the third time today. Not only do we have all these extremely necessary chores and commitments, we also need to spend two hours on social media every day. You may say that’s not you; however, the average American spends 126 minutes a day doing just that. So, while we just don’t have the time for reflection, prayer, or self-development, we do seem to have time to find out why somebody hates the world and all it’s becoming. Now, don’t get me wrong, social media is nice, but not necessary. And, just in case you haven’t figured it out, your opinion on anything is not changing the world for the better. However, we choose to give our opinion, and read other’s opinions, over working on our marriage’s. We wonder why divorce is at 50% and it is higher in the church than the world now-a-days.

So, we spend all this time doing all these things to find ourselves at the time of life that should be

exciting; with endless options and adventures.

Watching our children graduate and meeting them in the parking lot afterwards with the gift they feared, but hoped would never happen. We hug them, congratulate them and say, “We are sorry but your mother/father and I are getting divorced.” This, according to research, is becoming an epidemic. The number of empty nesters getting divorced has doubled. The sad part is, I feel it can be traced back to our badge of honor. Busy!

We were too busy to find out our reason for being here.

We were too busy to address the fears of "what if we dream together."

We too busy chasing the school, church or jobs vision and never taking the time to discover if that was the dream that was given to us to fulfill.

The bible says, “Where there is no vision the people cast off restraint.” One translation even says the people perish or die. Isn’t that what’s happening? Are marriages dying because for all the years of chasing kids and fun we refuse to focus on a vision together? Can this change? Can marriages once again be until death do us part? Yes, I believe they can, with just a few minor changes.

What if we slow down? Although busy may be a fact it’s probably not the truth. The truth is we have put far too many things on our plate that isn’t taking us towards our purpose. In our search for happiness, we are missing fulfillment. In our desire to be validated, we let others heap on the mashed potatoes, when what we really crave for our health is a salad. So how do we make room for the salad?

We stop allowing others to heap on the potatoes by:

1. Identifying what’s important. Most of us struggle here because this means saying the most

uncomfortable of all words to people who expect from us. No. One thing that may help with this is to

remember yes is a no. In order to say yes to one thing, you must say no to another. You must become

comfortable doing what only you can do and letting others do the rest. If you volunteer when it is not

what you should be doing, then you are taking up a spot for the person that should be volunteering. Be

honest. It doesn’t matter what someone else thinks you should be on your plate. And if you are married, do this together. Then blend what’s important to each of you and come up with a plan you can work together.

2. Focusing on the important. Focusing is twofold. First, focus means start really concentrating

on what you have decided you want. Don’t get distracted by everything everyone else has planned for

you or with keeping up with the Joneses. Second, get clarity. When something is in focus it becomes

extremely clear and you begin to see details earlier unseen.

3. Remember there is no such thing as balance. In order to do anything to your full potential it

takes giving it your all. This means when one side of your scale is up the other side is down. This

means learn to calendar your life and when it is time to focus on the kids totally focus on the kids but

when it’s time to focus on your marriage, LOCK THE DOOR! They will live.

4. Discovering our Values. Values determine what energizes us and what depletes us. Values

also help us in marriage by helping us identify tension. If there is tension more than likely we are

violating one or more of our spouses’ values and this requires attention.

5. Being grateful. Gratefulness destroy the ability to be angry, worried, or anxious. So everyday

record what you grateful for.

6. Dream. What would you do if God meant it when He said He want to give you all you could

ask or think? What if money wasn’t an issue? What would it look like if your marriage was still

passionate even after you have been married 30-40 years?

A good life and marriage are simple, but they aren’t easy. They take work. They take intentionality.

With just a little effort we can live Forever with Purpose.